Thursday, March 29, 2012

Facing Up

The only way to defeat fear is to face up to it. At last night's meeting, all of us stood up and gave a short speech. We were all nervous. A part of us didn't want to do it. But we didn't let that part win. We stuttered sometimes, and we were fluent sometimes. But we spoke. We made ourselves heard. We proved to ourselves that we can do it.

It was an especially difficult challenge because we had guests, students from the graduate program in speech pathology at Cal State Fullerton. They asked about the role of speech therapists in our lives: what it was in reality, what it should be ideally. The answer: the perfect speech therapist listens more than speaks; is supportive; pushes us to do the things we're afraid of; understands that stuttering isn't just about speech, it's about us who we are as a whole; tailors the therapy to our particular needs instead of following a rigid program.

No matter what our experiences with speech therapy have been like, I think it's useful to engage with the topic, to answer questions from speech therapists in training. Yes, it helps them. But it also helps us. We can gain a better understanding of what we need as people who stutter. And if we understand what we need, we can then work on giving it to ourselves, rather than rely on someone from the outside to do it. We can listen to and respect ourselves; acknowledge that we aren't just people who stutter but complex human beings with many strengths and talents; we can challenge ourselves to face our fears and become better communicators.

One of our group members suggested a self-help book he found particularly useful: William D. Parry's Understanding and Controlling Stuttering. Did you read it? What did you think? Are there other books that you found helpful and inspiring?

The great thing about facing your fear of speaking is that the more you do it, the better at it you get. Maybe you don't get as good as you'd like at speaking fluently all the time. But you get really good at not being afraid. In my view, that's the greater good and something really worth working hard for.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Small Steps

What most stuck with me from our meeting yesterday was the idea of making small changes. It's obvious, I know. We're more likely to succeed if we break a daunting task into small assignments and set ourselves less glamorous but manageable goals. But it's also easy to forget. As stutterers, we want so much to speak fluently that it's hard to take our eyes off that enormous prize and try to figure out what small steps we can take in order to actually get there.

They can be annoying, these tiny steps, because they're so, well, tiny. Often it seems unlikely that they'll actually make a difference. Will it really matter in the long run if I read out loud to myself for a few minutes every day practicing continuous phonation? Can it really count to focus on easy onsets for two or three minutes while I'm having a chat with a trusted friend? If I commit to speaking up at a support group meeting, even if it's just a handful of words? Or keep eye contact for two or three seconds as I stutter?

The answer is yes. All these apparently insignificant things count. They accumulate. They build up into something significant. It's a gradual process, like any kind of growth. For a long time it's hard to see the results. But eventually they do show. You begin to trust more and more in your ability to communicate effectively with others. It's like a muscle: the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets. It's important to be persistent, to push past your limits. But not too much, not too fast, not too hard.

True, sometimes it feels like the work will never be done, the fight will never be won. The day when I can lay down my arms and not struggle so hard seems far away, out of reach. I have to confess I'm a little disheartened by this. But I take comfort and pride in the fact that the more I do the work, the easier it gets. It's a great accomplishment to be strong enough to do it, to have the courage to stick with it day in and day out. It's good preparation for the rest of our lives.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Feb 29 Mtg Update: Go Out There & Do

People who stutter will surprise you. Their speech might sometimes sound "funny," but if you take the time to listen, to get past appearances, you discover truly amazing individuals. They've accomplished so much in spite of the continuous struggle with their speech. They've made a point not to give up, no matter how hard the going gets. They have dreams for themselves, and they work hard to make them come true.

One of our group members had the dream of being a public speaker. Can you imagine being a stutterer and at the same time wanting more than anything to speak to large groups of people and make your voice heard? Another group member recently got his master's degree, coaches a high school lacrosse team, and also works as a waiter. How amazing that he embraced these opportunities instead of running away as fast as he could from having to give presentations, and to talk to teenagers and hungry strangers every day?

Their secret? Preparation and practice. They make sure they know their stuff. They practice every day the speech techniques they've found useful. And they don't stop doing. The only way to build confidence that you can do something is to go out there and do it. Sure, you will fail sometimes. But you are also strong enough to learn from your mistakes, to bounce back. We all know this. But to see it work in someone's life is an amazing thing.