NSA Orange County Meeting Update 5/26/16

There were 5 people at the meeting including a new member – welcome Deanna! Deanna comes to us on the recommendation of her speech therapist. Deanna’s mother joined us.  Family members of people who stutter are always welcome at our meetings.

We started with introductions & the question: “If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?” (Our introductory questions are always icebreakers, designed to get everyone to participate at the beginning of a meeting. There is a method to my madness.) Two people wanted to be some kind of bird, perhaps an eagle, as it would be cool to be able to fly above everything and easily go where you want. One said he also might want to be a wolf:  he has a Belgian Shepherd he is fond of that resembles a wolf.  Another person would like to be a leopard: pound for pound, the leopard is the world’s strongest land animal. That way, he said, “Nobody would mess with me.”  (Go to https://youtu.be/toJ7Kuus7e8).

The fourth person chose a dog as she has a pet dog she likes a lot.

Next we did Table Topics, which we haven’t done in a while. Topics included:

·      Your favorite vacation

·      As a person who stutters, how do you handle public speaking?

·      What is something you do that is a waste of time, but you do it anyway?

·      If you could travel in time, would you go forward or backward?

This last was one of the most interesting in a long time.

Then we discussed some mysterious aspects of stuttering. We’re all familiar with some of these: we don’t stutter when we sing, talk in unison with others, or talk to babies or pets. However, there are others. For example, one member said that sometimes it’s as if he “forgets” he stutters. He can sometimes be talking (even on the phone), say for five or ten minutes, and afterward realize that he didn’t stutter, or he may have stuttered but wasn’t aware of it. This second possibility, stuttering but not being aware of it, is the way all stutterers were when they were children before they became aware of their stuttering.  The point was made that not being aware of your stuttering is really the same as not stuttering, as far as the person who stutters is concerned.

Another mysterious aspect of stuttering mentioned is that most stutterers stutter more (or less) with certain types of people: peers, authority figures, & work colleagues to name a few. Two people said that they stutter more when they are pulled over by a policeman.  Also, the subject matter or topics in a speaking situation affect the amount of stuttering. One person noted he stutters more when talking about something he cares about or is important to him.  If we are being judged in some way (not on our speech) also affects the degree of stuttering, for example giving an oral presentation at work or school.

All of this seems to point to that, even though it has been pretty well established that the cause of stuttering is neurological, psychological factors also play a big role. The psychological factors seem to trigger the neurological base.

That’s all for now. The next meeting is Thursday, June 9. (How can it be June already?) Same time & place. See you all there.

NSA Meeting Update - April 14, 2016

We had a great meeting discussion with 5 people present.  We started the meeting off with introductions but changed it up this time.  We had people ask questions about another and introduce them to the group along with their interest, travel likes and other related points of fact.

I would like to think that this exercise is useful since one has to ask and listen and second be able to have good eye contact and introduce that person to a room.  It's probably not a person who stutters does that often.

Tonight's topic discussion was Acceptance.   What does it me to say that a person accepts stuttering?  This is a complex question and perhaps is better understood with age.  With age it gives us confidence and wisdom.  It also brings with it a large laundry bag of failed situations that shape who we are.  However, it's father time that perhaps can allow us to come to deal with it and being able to deal with stuttering allows us a better chance to be OK that we stutter.   Perhaps, shifting the paradigm from a problem to a characteristic can make it easier.  We can tolerate it more so that it doesn't run our lives, we can like ourselves more and we accept that speech is fluid with life's stages.  The more pressure we put on ourselves to being fluent will create more struggle and that equals more trouble.  Finding a happy medium can reduce stress and pressure to preform and increase fluency.  The last stage once one finally accepts their stuttering, is understanding how to dictate the terms of stuttering and how to apply those in public.  

Last note, be positive, manage what you can control and don't beat yourself up.  

Thanks,

Matt

Next meeting is April 28, 2016 with Tom Granata

NSA Meeting Update - 4/28/2016

Six people were present for this meeting. It was the largest turnout in a while. Hope the trend continues & thanks to all who attended!

We started with introductions & the question: "What's the most interesting thing you did in the past week?"  Two people said going to the Coachella Music Festival was easily most interesting. Both said it was windy & incredibly mobbed, but overall they had a good time. One especially enjoyed seeing one of his favorite bands - Guns N' Roses. (I didn't know these guys were still around. I guess they got Axl & Slash out of mothballs.)  One member went to the Newport Beach Film Festival & saw an interesting Chinese movie - "Red Mountain" - his highlight this week. He added that he purposely went to a foreign film with subtitles because his hearing has gotten so bad, he has trouble understanding dialogue in domestic films. A visit to the ear doctor & a hearing aid are coming soon. (What? Did somebody say something? Never mind). He might have chosen the Chinese film anyway:  it was good & he regularly sees foreign films. Another member's highlight was a dinner with other members of his profession. He got a chance to practice his fluency techniques. Two members said their highlight was going to local shooting ranges & enjoying target shooting. (Guns, but no roses.)

Next we (finally) showed a movie about stuttering - "Voice in Exile." Thanks to the member who brought in a laptop that played DVDs, we were able to connect to the big screen at the meeting place! "Voice in Exile" is great short movie made about 30 years ago. The director, Mark Kaplan, stutters and had wanted to make a film that was an accurate portrayal of what it's like to be a person who stutters - in this case a 17 year old high school student. The actor who played this role (not a person who stutters) did an amazing job. Everyone agreed it was a highly accurate depiction - both of how stuttering looks to others (and to us for that matter), & of the tremendous anxieties, frustrations, disappointments, and even despair caused by stuttering, especially in high school. Rather than give away the plot, I strongly advise you see this film anyway you can. I know it's on Vimeo; don't know the quality. Maybe you can still get it on DVD or from another streaming service. We had an interesting discussion after the film. Everyone agreed it brought back memories of high school days & all the problems caused by their stuttering. One person said his heart started beating much harder as he watched the film, saying it put him in touch very strongly with all the bad memories of his high school stuttering days. Hope it was cathartic for him.  In some ways, I thought the film was superior to the "King's Speech," especially because it very accurately showed severe stuttering blocks. The guy in the "King's Speech"  seemed like he just had something stuck in his throat, rather than having blocks. Each to his own.

That's all for now. Next meeting is on Thursday, May 12, led by the one and only Matt de Heras. Don't miss it!

March 10, 2016 Meeting Update

I wanted to thank those that participated in the Survey monkey poll.  We had about 19 people respond and the goal is to use the data to create a better meeting experience for the group.  There's many reasons why someone attends a meeting, but the main reason is that it's a safe place for people who stutter.  Once the data is processed I would like to share the findings too.

We had 5 members and 1 Fullerton graduate student present at the meeting last night.   Introductions first followed by what's been going.  We had a round table discussion on work place stuttering.  Should we discuss with co workers or Manager's that we do stutter?  Should it be viewed as a disability?  And if so, does the fact that we've made notice that we do stutter, affect our ability to preform that job?  When one hears a person who stutters, does one assume our IQ is lower than the average person who doesn't stutter?    Stuttering is hard to understand and it affects so many people differently.  Each person figures out a way to make it work and thus deals with it in their own way.  The following diagram is an investor's psychological phases one deals with in regards to the stock markets...bull market or bear markett.  Perhaps these are similar to what someone who stutters goes thru...but optimism is the key.  Next meeting is Thursday, March 24 led by Tom.  See you then!

Matt

September 24, 2014 Meeting Update

Hello everyone. About the September 24 meeting, I have good news & bad news. The good news is that we have a new member. Welcome Alice! Alice joins us on the advice of her speech therapist. She  is also to be commended for coming from a considerable distance to be at our meetings. The bad news is that there were a grand total of TWO people at the meeting. That's two as in 2; as in the square root of 4; as in the number of people in a set of twins...............And who were those two people? Right, yours truly & our new member Alice. I had to be there since I led the meeting. That means that not a single one of the regular members were present. A pox on all your houses! Seriously, folks, this group has been together for about 4 years & we have an active membership of about 20 people. Meetings are the heart & soul of the NSA. They're  where we all find our best support & camaraderie. There really wouldn't be an NSA as it was originally envisioned without the meetings. COME TO THE MEETINGS!

In these meeting updates I usually describe in some detail the introductory question, the topic for discussion, table topics if any & whatever else went on at the meeting. Since there were only TWO of us (have I mentioned there there were only TWO people present?), I think it's pointless to report on any of this. Alice and I did part of a regular meeting as best we could  & then just had a great conversation about movies. This way we at least got in some practice on our fluency techniques. I'm going to implement the same plan I had for this meeting for the next meeting I lead. I hope our new member Alice won't mind a partial repeat.

The next meeting is on Thursday, October 8, led by fearless leader Matt. 5:45 PM, Kaiser Permanente, 6 Willard, Irvine 92604. Be There! Don't make me come looking for you!

July 23, 2015 Meeting Update

Seven people were present for the meeting, which is not too bad for this time of year. Thanks to all who attended. We had the pleasure of having with us Jeff Olevson, Regional Chapter Coordinator (RCC) of the Southwest & chapter leader of the San Jose, CA Chapter. It was great for me to meet Jeff in person, after communicating by email & phone for a couple of years. Jeff is a very energetic guy who is very much involved in the NSA. He's a true believer. As Southwest RCC, he covers  Arizona, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Nevada, New Mexico & Utah. (Did I get this right, Jeff? And when are you going to start covering Alaska?) Jeff had a lot of informative & interesting things to say throughout the meeting. He said he's always enjoyed supporting other people, stutterers & non-stutterers alike.

We opened with introductions along with the question: "Who was your favorite teacher during your school years & why?" Responses included elementary, high school & college teachers. The responses mostly talked about a teacher who made the subject interesting, motivated students & was a fair teacher whose goal was not to fail people. There was general agreement that teachers are very important people in most people's lives - for better or worse.

Next, we had a topic for discussion - "Why do you come to NSA group meetings?" Most people talked about meetings providing a safe, comfortable place to talk about stuttering & other topics with other people who stutter. One member said he originally started coming to meetings after a mortifying experience where he had to read out loud in front of a class & was embarrassed with his stuttering. He later dropped the course because of this. He continues to come partly to prevent this sort of thing from happening again. A couple of people said they stutter the least at NSA meetings & have the least anxiety or embarrassment there when they do stutter. One person, a speech therapist, said she mainly comes to learn more about stuttering from the true experts. Another long time NSP/NSA member said he's been to hundreds of chapter meetings & comes for the social contact as much as anything else. (The NSA was originally the NSP - National Stuttering Project.) We talked about occasionally having a "socializing" meeting such as playing miniature golf. The point was made that the "socializing" meetings should not replace the regular meetings, but supplement them. Good point. The "socializing" meetings could become addictive. The long time member also attends the Riverside Chapter meetings (this guy is a real NSA junkie), where they have an annual "Holiday Party" & gift exchange - a once-a-year great socializing meeting.

We were running out of time, but started a second discussion topic: "Which speaking situations do you find the easiest?" Most of us have talked in meetings about which speaking situations are hardest, so this was a different perspective. This of course tied in with the above topic as most people who stutter find NSA meetings to be the easiest speaking situations. However, there were variations, such as one person who prefers to speak to people one on one & face to face, instead of from behind a barrier as she must do at her job. Another person said the easiest speaking situation for him was talking with his wife, with whom he either doesn't stutter, stutters without any embarrassment or anxiety or stutters but isn't aware that he's stuttering. This final point has always been an interesting one - i.e. if you stutter but are not aware that you're stuttering, is it the same as not stuttering at all? Do you sometimes "forget" that you stutter? These could be topics for another time.

That's all for now.Thanks again to Jeff for being with us. The next meeting is Thursday, August 13 (it's August already?!). Same time, same place led by master golfer, Ramones fan & martial artist extraordinaire Matt. Be there! 

May 28, 2015 Meeting Update

Seven people attended the meeting, which was a gratifying turn out. A faculty member at Chapman University in the College of Educational Studies sat in with us. She specializes in working with people who stutter, both in the academic arena & in her private practice. She's also active in Friends, the National Association of Young People Who Stutter. This was a special treat for the rest of us, as it was very interesting & informative to get her insights into stuttering.

We started the meeting with introductions along with the question: Did you have any heroes when you were a kid? Responses included the Lone Ranger, Dick Tracy, Bruce Lee & Jean-Claude Van Damme (a two-for-one package deal there), Neil Armstrong, Arnold Palmer, the cellist Yo Ma, a four-in-one package deal of Pele the soccer player, Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton & Jimi Hendrix, (what a band that would have made) & "my parents." The person who said the Lone Ranger remembered listening to him on the radio before watching him on TV. Yes, we do have some old timers in our group.

Next we had a topic for discussion: Do you remember when you first became aware that you stuttered?  Becoming aware of your stuttering as a child is a turning point for most people who stutter. It's at this point that we first label ourselves as stutterers & start seeing ourselves as we think others see us when we stutter. Most members said they became aware of their stuttering at about age 8 or 9. One said he's always been aware of his stuttering: he couldn't remember ever not being aware of it. Another member became aware of his stuttering when other kids made fun of him. One member said it was when he kept being taken out of class to see the speech therapist & he didn't know why. This was again at about age 8 or 9. Another said his earliest memories were not of the stuttering itself, but that he started hiding it in the 4th grade. Yet another member, who was born in Germany & later moved to South Korea & then Canada, felt he missed a "window  of opportunity" to conquer his stuttering at about age 8, but the changes in cultures & language brought it back.

We had a few minutes left, so we briefly talked on the topic: "How would you describe what you do when you stutter?" Maybe the most descriptive response was: "I get stuck on certain sounds."

That's all for now. Next meeting is on June 11.  Let's have another good turnout.