December 10 Meeting Update: Seeing the Good

Our discussion topic at this meeting was John Harrison's "Thirteen Observations About People Who Stutter" from his book Redefining Stuttering. The list isn't easy to read; Harrison doesn't mince words. But its harshness is refreshing and useful.

We talked about our often excessive concern with what others think about the way we speak. One member described the feeling of amazement and relief he experienced when he realized that most people he interacted with either didn't notice or didn't care about his stutter.

On the other hand, there are times when we have every right to worry about how our stuttering is perceived. It matters what our bosses, our teachers, or others who have authority over us, think about us. In such situations, it's important to strike a balance between explaining what's happening with our speech and also standing up for ourselves.

As Harrison notes, it's very hard for many people who stutter to be self-assertive. As an exercise at our meeting, we took turns talking about one positive aspect of ourselves. It felt quite uncomfortable. We're very used to thinking about what's wrong with ourselves and how we can improve it. It's much more difficult to remember that we have good qualities, some of them as a direct result of stuttering.

More than one person in our group said: if I wasn't a stutterer, I'd very likely be an arrogant and selfish you-know-what. Stuttering has taught many of us to listen, to empathize with others, to be kind. Others mentioned positive aspects of themselves unconnected to stuttering: discipline, being good at sports, curiosity, intelligence.

They may be hard to find, these reasons to feel good about ourselves, but they're there. My hope this holiday season is that you find them and hold on to them--not only in yourself, but in those around you. Their challenge might not be stuttering, but they need kindness and understanding just as much as we do. Happy Holidays!

Those Lovable SLP Students!

At the last meeting on 11/28/12, three speech language pathology students from Cal State San Marcos showed up unexpectedly just as the meeting was about to begin. I couldn't help but overhear one of them saying to Mihaela that she had emailed her (Mihaela) an hour before the meeting to announce they were coming! How thoughtful of them! If this doesn't show the students are taking us for granted, I'm the most fluent person who ever lived. The meeting went fine as the three students sat behind and to the side of the rest of the group & didn't take part in the meeting. They simply observed us and didn't say a word. I think this is exactly the way the meetings should be run when the students attend. We should hardly be aware that the students are present. If, after the meeting, members of the group & students want to hang around and chit - chat, that's fine. I just don't think we should adapt the meetings in any way to accommodate the students. Basically, I think when students attend, the meetings should simply be run as if they weren't there.

November 28 Meeting Update: Support System

One question that comes up again and again at our meetings is why speech therapy is so rarely effective long-term. Many people in our support group have had speech therapy at some point in their lives. Yet after the first few months of excitement with the new fluency-shaping techniques, and of wonderful progress in the therapist's office, they find themselves slipping back into old habits of speech. All too soon, the gains they've made in therapy are lost.

As a result, they begin to think that being a stutterer means there's something fundamentally wrong with them that cannot be changed. They blame themselves for not working hard enough, for getting discouraged, for not being able to keep up the same level of motivation they had when they were going to speech therapy. They put the whole weight of the problem on their own shoulders, and they expect to carry it all by themselves.

The truth is, however, that we can't do it alone. Speaking is by definition something we do with other people. We can't change the way we speak without the cooperation and support of other people. It's not easy to acknowledge that. We've been hurt so often by other people's comments about our speech that we're reluctant to open up and ask them to lend us a hand, to be understanding and patient.

Luckily, it's not necessary for the whole world to be on our side. Even one person is enough. My co-leader, Matt, checks in with his mentor at work once a week to make sure he's on track with his speech goals. His mentor doesn't know much about stuttering and speech therapy, but he keeps Matt accountable to himself. I check in with my sister, who also doesn't know much about speech therapy, but she has the ability to be hard on me and at the same time kind, which is exactly what I need.

Of course for all of us the support group meetings are essential. They're the best reminder that, as the National Stuttering Association motto goes, we are not alone. That community is always there for us. I myself am so grateful for that. Without it, I couldn't have gotten as far as I have in becoming a fluent and confident speaker.