January 14 Meeting Update: Opportunities to Speak

It's always suprising to find out how different one person who stutters can be from another. At our last meeting, we discussed speaking on the phone and recorded each other having a phone conversation. Some people were nervous; others didn't have any anxiety at all. One group member said that it's harder for him to speak in a group than to make a phone call. For me, it's the exact opposite. Once again I was reminded that stuttering isn't just about words.

One interesting issue that came up was not getting enough practice speaking--either on the phone or face to face. We have so many means to communicate with each other in writing--e-mail, texting, instant messaging--that some of us spend whole days hardly saying more than a few words. You'd think that for a person who stutters that would be a great relief. And in some ways it is. But it also makes it harder to get better at speaking. Our vocal chords and fluency techniques get rusty. We take longer to find our bearings in a conversation and to set our own pace.

The other main activity at our meeting was reading aloud an article about how to deal with interruptions in conversation. Here are some of the suggestions offered:

• simply repeat what you were saying
• slow your rate of speech
• use a gesture (such as holding up a hand) to signal you have more to say
• use a phrase that shows you have more to say (for example: I have two points to make)
• use "because" or "so" to indicate something more is coming

Many of us have used one or another of these strategies with some success. It can be challenging, however. A conversation often moves so fast and unpredictably that by the time you figure out what you want to say and how to say it, it's too late. One group member suggested that, when it proves too difficult to participate in conversation, it's very useful to observe how others speak. Notice how people weave in and out of the conversation; what gestures they use; what they do when someone overlaps or cuts off their speech. There's a lot to learn simply from watching and listening.

It's a funny thing: before e-mail and smart phones, we used to have to go out of our way to avoid speaking. Now we have to go out of our way to find opportunities to speak. It's an added challenge for those of us who stutter, but well worth seeking out.