November 13, 2014 Meeting Update

Six members were present for this meeting, a 50% improvement from the last meeting - thanks to those who came. Because there will not be a meeting on the 4th Thursday this month (Thanksgiving), this was a "combined" meeting, led jointly by fearless leaders Matt & myself. Also, there will be only one meeting next month on December11, as the 4th Thursday is Christmas day. The December 11 meeting will be a pot luck holiday celebration meeting. Be there! (And bring something edible).

We opened with introductions along with the question: Name something interesting you did recently or what activity do you enjoy? (Sort of 2 questions in one). One person recently attended an air show near Las Vegas that included the Thunderbirds, the precision flying team of the U.S. Air Force. Because his brother-in-law is a crew chief, he and some others got to introduce themselves to each pilot individually. Needless to say, the member got to use his fluency techniques. He talked about witnessing the flight of of the F22 Raptor, an aircraft capable of incredible in-air maneuvers. On this same general topic, the member mentioned that his grandmother in New York State, aged 100, recently made headlines by jumping out of an airplane! It made the local newspaper here (Orange County Register) with a photo. And, yes, she used a parachute. Another member mentioned trying to join the Air Force & being turned down because of his stuttering - a loss for the Air Force, alas.  Another member recently attended the American Film Institute (AFI) Film Festival in LA. He and his wife drove up to LA & back 3 days in a row, seeing 3 feature length films & 2 sets of short films. He highly recommends a Russian film called "Leviathan," which may come out in general circulation soon. The director of the film was present afterwards (with a translator) for a Q&A session. The member admits he tried to get up the courage to ask a question before time ran out but couldn't quite do it. Maybe next time. Other members talked about enjoying playing basketball, driving tractors, learning a new framework for programming websites & working out. The person who enjoys driving tractors brought his bullhorn along again. He said he doesn't stutter as much when talking through the bullhorn. Obviously, this is a breakthrough in stuttering therapy: all we have to do is use a bullhorn when speaking! Might be a little hard to whisper, though, and not so good for intimate conversations. One member talked recently to Speech Language Pathology students at Cal State Fullerton & enjoyed "educating" them about stuttering. This member also talked about how frustrating stuttering can be. He applied for a job as a college lecturer & was turned down because he stuttered in the audition. This was very clear to him even though he wasn't specifically told this. He majored in Chinese in college but later started a whole new career as a software engineer because he couldn't find a proper job in his chosen field because of his stuttering. This same person talked about a fluency technique he developed based on a variation of voluntary stuttering. It involves purposely repeating the beginning of words you would normally stutter on as a kind of "stalling tactic." It has worked very well for him. We talked a little about how people who stutter are perceived by fluent people. It's kind of a Catch 22 - if you don't talk very much because you stutter, you may be seen as anti-social. If you talk & stutter, others may think negatively of you, at least until they get used to your stuttering, if they ever do.  The interesting point was made that some people who stutter severely don't seem to be adversely effected. A member works with someone who stutters fairly severely, but either isn't aware he stutters or isn't bothered by it. The member approached him about this, but he didn't want to talk about it. The member said it apparently never enters his co-worker's mind to be ashamed or embarassed about his stuttering. The group labeled him a "happy stutterer''. How does a "regular stutterer" become a happy stutterer? If all people who stutter were happy stutterers, would there be any need for speech therapy or even the NSA?  Serious questions to ponder.

That's all for now. Again, next meeting is the pot luck on Thursday, December 11, which will be the only meeting in December  - same time, same place. A happy Thanksgiving to all. Don't eat too much turkey. Gobble gobble.

October 23 Meeting Update

There were only 4 people present at this meeting, which is disappointing for this time of year. Although NSA chapter meeting attendance is wildly unpredictable, lower attendance usually occurs during the summer.  For those of you who weren't at the meeting - you know this goes on your permanent record don't you? You can redeem yourselves by attending all NSA chapter meetings for the rest of your lives. See how easy that is?

We opened with introductions along with the question: "When you were a kid, did you have any pets & what do you remember about them?" One member talked about a Yorky Terrier named Max he had from when he was about 9 till he graduated from college, which meant the dog would have been about 84 in people years. One day, after getting into some paint,  the dog disappeared for 8 days. He was eventually found at the local pound, but soon after sadly had to be euthanized due to a number of problems.

Another member talked about a cat named Stinker he had for part of his childhood & teen years. It was a big orange Manx cat - the ones with a stubby tail & high rear legs. The member thought the cat was very smart, being able to open slightly ajar doors with his paw. He had other fond memories of the cat.
There was general agreement that cats were easier to take care of than dogs.

This led to a short discussion about the fact that most people who stutter usually don't stutter when they talk to animals. I don't know that any research has determined why this is so - another mysterious aspect of stuttering. If only all the people in the world who don't stutter could be turned into animals! OK, maybe that would be a little extreme.

A member talked about how his speech has been regressing lately, since he completed an intensive, 3 week therapy program where he had made great progress. We talked about how this is common. There are several well known intensive therapy programs for stuttering, and over the years I've heard similar stories about a person's speech regressing afterward. Some people in individual therapy experience the same thing. One long-time NSA member said he stutters least in chapter meetings. All of this has to do, I think, with how comfortable we are speaking to those around us, whether or not they know we stutter & have heard our worst blocks, & if we think they are going to "judge" us. If only the world was one big NSA chapter meeting! OK, maybe that would also be a little extreme.

We talked about how time pressure effects stuttering. Stuttering & anxiety about stuttering invariably increase during rapid fire conversations, or when you're expected to respond quickly to a question. To deal with this, one member talked about a technique he learned in a therapy program: pause before responding in a speaking situation. The pause is only for a second or two. This allows you to "own" the situation & steer the conversation in the direction you want. You can use this all the time - whether you think you're going to stutter or not. The member has had good success with this.

That's all for now. The next meeting is on Thursday, November 13, same time, same place, led by fearless leader Matt. Remember the mantra: Second & Fourth Thursdays - 5:45PM - Kaiser.

Now I think I'll work on a science fiction story about a planet where everyone is an animal in an NSA chapter meeting. I'll let you know how it turns out.

RIP  Jack Bruce  1943-2014

September 25 Meeting Update

   5 members were present. We started the meeting by acknowledging that one of the group's founders & a chapter leader, Mihaela, has stepped down as chapter leader & will only occasionally attend meetings as she pursues a medical career. Matt & Mihaela founded the group about 3 years ago, & both have worked tirelessly to keep it going. Mihaela created this website blog & has kept it timely. She's  also put in a ton of energy as a chapter leader to keep the meetings interesting. She will be missed. We wish her luck in her studies. Matt will assume the role of sole chapter leader for the second-Thursday-of -the-month meeting. Yours truly will continue to lead the fourth-Thursday-of-the-month meeting.

We then did introductions along with the question: "What is one of your favorite foods?" Answers included Korean barbecue, salmon, pomegranates, persimmons & flame broiled baby back ribs - and meals at a couple of different restaurants. I was surprised restaurants were mentioned: I assumed everyone would name favorite foods they eat at home. To each his own.

We continued with the topic: "In your past, what was your worst fear about stuttering? Is it still your worst fear now?" This was another all male group, so it wasn't surprising that 4 members said talking to females had been their worst fear. One member added talking to females on the phone was especially anxiety ridden. Another said talking in front of a group was his worst fear. One member said he tried to alleviate fear of talking to females during his school years by getting involved in extra curricular activities such as sports. This helped him build self-esteem & took his mind off stuttering. Several members agreed that hiding your stuttering went along with a fear of talking to females. One member brought up that as he gets older, he doesn't worry so much about what others think of him because of his stuttering. All of this led to a discussion about how with all the modern non-verbal ways to communicate - texting, emails, social media - people don't have to actually speak to "talk" to each other. We discussed how for people who stutter this could be used to avoid speaking. One member who has a daughter said he wouldn't want her to respond to a boy who asks her out on dates by texting, email, etc. It's too cold & informal. He wants the boy to present himself in person or at least on the phone. Makes sense to me.

A member active in Toastmasters talked a little about that organization & gave out some literature. He said you can simply say at the beginning of a speech that you stutter & joined Toastmasters to work on your stuttering.

That's all for now folks. Next meeting is on Thursday, October 9th led by Matt. Remember the mantra: Second & Fourth Thursdays - 5:45PM - Kaiser.

August 28, 2014 Meeting Update

Six members were present including a new member - welcome Rick! Six present at this time of year is pretty good - thanks to those who came. We started off with introductions along with the question "If you could afford any kind of car, what would it be"? Answers included a Ferrari (the old standby - does anyone not want a Ferrari?),  an Aston-Martin (the "James Bond" car for you uninitiated), a Tesla (an all electric vehicle), an Audi R8 (an Audi with a Lamborghini engine - Holy Horsepower, Batman!), & a fully equipped 4-wheel drive Chevrolet super truck. The person who chose a Ferrari backtracked a little, saying he believes Ferrari no longer makes cars with manual transmissions. He's a stick shift purist, so he'd have to get a used Ferrari. As you may have guessed, it was an all-male meeting, not surprising as there are about 10 times as many male stutterers as female.  Not that there aren't some females who are interested in cars - I don't want the Politically Correct Police to come looking for me. What did this introductory question have to do with stuttering? What do any of the introductory questions have to do with stuttering? Nothing directly: introductory questions are icebreakers, designed to get people to participate by talking about an interesting topic. There is a method to my madness. 

One member was interested in what speech therapies, if any, others had tried. A member talked about his therapy with a well known local therapist who uses Delayed Auditory Feedback (DAF), in part to teach people who stutter to learn a new way of talking. DAF is interesting: for some reason, you won't stutter if you hear your own words repeated back to you about a second later. It isn't clear if the reason for this is known. There is apparently an earpiece one can wear to use DAF. Another member said he doesn't stutter when he talks in front of a mirror when alone. Watching himself talk takes his stuttering away, at least temporarily. This same member talked about his experiences with Toastmasters & how it helps some people who stutter gain confidence. Toastmasters comes up a lot in our meetings. One member, with very little formal speech therapy, mentioned a method he tried long ago at the University of Pennsylvania that, I believe, has fallen out of favor: the "metronome" method, developed by a psychologist at Penn. You talk to the beat of a metronome &, like DAF, there's an earpiece. Another member talked about the program he went through at Eastern Washington University in Cheney, Washington - the Successful Stuttering Management Program (SSMP). It's an intensive, on site, three week program that's been around for over 35 years. The SSMP uses voluntarily stuttering, in part.

We had just enough time left to do Table Topics. You never know what will come up in Table Topics, which is what makes them interesting & fun. Topics included: "Are you a dog or cat person?" The person who spoke on this was definitely a dog person, although he admitted that dogs sometimes do bark all night long, which another member said makes you want to strangle them. "How do you feel about Putin?" The speaker wasn't really familiar with Putin but mentioned that while George Bush once looked into Putin's eyes & "was able to get a sense of his soul, & found him to be very straight forward and trustworthy," John McCain said he looked into Putin's eyes & saw three letters - KGB. (We  try to avoid politics in Table Topics; this was an exception). "Facebook & it's social importance": the speaker mentioned that Facebook is mainly useful for reconnecting with old friends you've had no contact with for a long time. "What emotions do you feel when you stutter?""Do you find it hard to order in a large & loud restaurant?" And finally, the height of politically correct radioactivity: "How do you feel about girls/females/women?" Remember, this was an all male meeting, & no, I'm not commenting on this one for all the gold in Fort Knox.

Next meeting led by Matt & Mihaela is on Thursday, September 11. Remember the mantra: Second & Fourth Thursdays - 5:45PM - Kaiser.

Have a great rest of summer.

August 14 Meeting Update: Stay Healthy & Make Your Bed

Six people attended. During sharing, we talked about advertising: when should it be done and how? Some said it's awkward to do it at the beginning of a conversation or presentation because it sets the wrong tone; for others it's extremely helpful because it takes the pressure off the situation. Everyone agreed that it's important to figure out what works for each of us individually.

When one group member was open about his stutter at work, he found out that his boss stutters too, and they talked about the best way to deal with it. After a presentation, the boss told him, "It's brutal, but you have to go through this." Sometimes that's the truth: we can't avoid difficult situations and have to struggle our way through as best  we can.

How can we stay calm in such  situations? Here are some ideas: get enough sleep, exercise regularly, take your vitamins, and stay in good physical health. Also, try to control the pace of a conversation even if it's only for one minute. Take the time to pause and speak at the rate that's right for you not for your listener. Set a goal to do this one sentence at a time, then go to two sentences, three, and so on.

Another group member shared an idea he heard from a Navy Seal: make your bed! Even if your day descends into chaos afterwards, even if everything goes wrong, you did something that was in your power to do and that gives you a sense of control over your life. We can't control many things that happen to us. However, there are other things that we can control, and it's important to identify them and act on them. Find out where you can you make a difference and do it.

Finally, we looked at an article about Jeffrey Gurian, a PWS who developed a program to recover from stuttering. Our group concluded that his ideas are a mixed bag, but there are valuable bits that we can learn from.

July 24 Meeting Update

Seven members were present  - excellent attendance for a mid-summer meeting. Come to think of it, seven attendees isn't bad for the rest of the year either. Thanks to those who attended. Sadly, we are losing one member who is moving to Denver to attend pharmacy graduate school at the University of Colorado. Good luck to Tabith! Keep in touch. However, we have also gained a new member - welcome Mike! 

This meeting was unusual due to events beyond our control. On the way to the meeting, this writer & others ran into traffic: fire engines & police cars racing to a fire somewhere (I only saw smoke), compounded by traffic lights being out in several places, which caused a massive traffic jam.  I was 15 minutes late. Then, the power had partially gone out in the building where we meet, so we met outside sitting on concrete & bricks. This wasn't so bad, as it had cooled down by then, but with about 10 minutes left in an already abbreviated meeting, a security guard told us we had to vacate the premises - something about they wanted everybody off the entire property. 

In spite of all this, we had a good meeting. We opened with introductions along with the question: What is one of your favorite books or movies? Answers included "Catcher in the Rye," "America: Imagine a World Without Her," "Lone Survivor," "Self-Therapy for the Stutterer," "Ulysses" &  "Rain Man." The self-therapy book, by the way, is published by the "Stuttering Foundation" in Memphis, Tennessee -  www.stutteringhelp.org. I have a copy I bought almost 20 years ago.

We then picked up where we left off last time, the topics for discussion being: "What advice would you give to parents of children who stutter?" & "Do you wish your parents had done anything different with respect to your stuttering?" One member said parents should try to get their stuttering child in contact with other kids who stutter, showing the child he's not alone in his stuttering. There was general agreement that the isolation that many stutterers feel as children only adds to the problem. The kids could serve as each other's advocates. Another member talked about the importance of the parents getting the child into speech therapy with a therapist who specializes in stuttering. An excellent point, as kids who stutter are sometimes lumped together with kids who have other types of speech impediments. All agreed that good rapport between the child & therapist is essential. Some members brought up the fact that in public school settings, children are often "yanked" out of a class for speech therapy. This can stigmatize the child in the eyes of classmates, who are wondering where he's been mysteriously taken. It would be an improvement if the parents worked with the school to avoid this.  The importance of parents not reacting in a negative manner to their kid's stuttering was discussed. It's sad that some parents have to be told this. A related point was made by one member who brought up the quote by Wendell Johnson: "Stuttering begins not in the mouth of the child, but in the ear of the parent." To me this means that some parents, even before the child himself becomes aware of his stuttering, start to behave in such a way that the child senses their displeasure - not a good scenario.  A couple of members said stuttering was never brought up in their households when they were kids. This might be almost as bad as negative reactions, as the child could feel isolated in his own home. One member said stuttering was never brought up when he was a child even though his own mother stuttered - an interesting and probably not common happening. Another member said the only hint his parents gave about his stuttering was his mother telling him sometimes to "slow down." 

One newer member talked about how he used to hate other stutterers & avoided stuttering support  groups so as to not be around them. He eventually realized this was because he hated himself because of his stuttering. He's since been in an intensive stuttering therapy program where he was around other stutterers almost constantly every day for three weeks. Quite a turn around. He learned to no longer hate himself or others who stutter & to think more positively about his stuttering. A member talked about how, in stuttering,  "control is everything."  He said if you can control your stuttering, you "own it." This is an interesting idea with a lot of truth in it.  

That's all for now, folks. Not bad for a 50 minute meeting, huh? Now let's pause for a moment in memory of Thomas Erdelyi, better known as Tommy Ramone, the original drummer for The Ramones, who recently went up to that big recording studio in the sky. (If you don't know who the Ramones were, stuttering isn't your only problem.)

Next meeting is on Thursday, August 14 led by Matt & Mihaela. Remember the mantra: 2nd & 4th Thursdays - Kaiser - 5:45.

July 10 Meeting Update: Be Present

During introductions, one group member shared an incident at the grocery store: he stuttered while asking where a product was, and the person he was speaking to laughed. This is a fear many of us have. It's not just fear of the laughter, but fear of not knowing how to respond to the laughter and how to deal with the feelings of shame it can cause.

Here's the simple but difficult answer: tell the other person about your stutter. It may feel weird to have this conversation during a casual encounter. After all, is it really worth it to talk about your stutter with the dry cleaning clerk or the person taking your order at Subway? It takes time, and everybody's always in a hurry.

It matters, though, because of the amazing effect that being open about stuttering has on our lives. One member shared how during a game with his friends he told everyone, at the start, that he stutters. Because he stopped worrying about his stutter, he really enjoyed the game! Many of us have been in social situations where we're so worried about stuttering that we miss everything else going on around us. We don't remember the names of people we've met; we don't really hear what they have to say. We're absent from our own lives!

Another question that came up was what to do when you get pulled over by the police, since a stutter is often seen as a sign of drunkenness. A great suggestion by a group member was to get a note from your doctor that you stutter, which you can hand to the police officer. It may seem like the easy way out. But in spite of our best intentions, sometimes nervousness takes over and we can't control our stutter very well. It's good to help ourselves in any way we can.

Towards the end of the meeting we talked about the World Cup and had some lively exchanges. Enjoy the final game on Sunday! And remember to be present for your own life. Don't let stuttering stand between you and all the many wonderful things out there to be learned and experienced.

June 26 Meeting Update

Five members were present including two new members - welcome Josh & Theo! One new member talked about an intensive 3 week speech therapy program he recently completed in Boston - The New England Fluency Program. The program is run by one Adriana DiGrande, a Speech Language Pathologist and Board Certified Specialist-Fluency. It is very intense, going from 8:30AM to 3:30PM daily plus "homework assignments." The new member had very high praise for the program, saying it changed his life mainly by changing his attitude toward his stuttering. He had been hiding his stuttering a great deal, & one major thing the program did was to get him to stop this or at least do it much less. The program helped him not to avoid or substitute words. One interesting part of the program was a "homework assignment" in which he & others stopped people at random in Boston Common & asked them if they would take part in a survey about stuttering. The new member talked about how once he got past the "mental aspects" of stuttering (eg. the hiding, shame, embarrassment & negative attitude toward stuttering), his fluency got better by itself. One actual technique he mentioned was "stabilizing the 1st sound" - elongating the 1st sound or syllable of a word for 2 seconds.

We then went to the old standby: Table Topics. We each talked for about 5 minutes. Topics included: Baseball, Is there intelligent life on other planets?, World Cup soccer, Vacations & If the opportunity arose would you go to Mars? One member would go to Mars only if there were parking - there's always one wise guy in the group. These topics led to some lively offshoot conversations. A side topic was: Do you stutter in your dreams? One person said lately he has been stuttering in his dreams & even in the same way he stutters when awake - hiding, substitutions, etc. I wonder what the Freudian implications of this are.

We talked a little about stuttering in other languages. Two members that were present speak another language besides English & another member speaks two other languages. All said they stuttered more in the languages other than English.

There was a little time remaining so we began a conversation on: What advice would you give parents of children who stutter? & Do you wish your parents had done anything different in relation to your stuttering? One piece of advice offered was: Don't give advice (such as "slow down") if you don't know what you're doing. Another piece of advice was to get the child into speech therapy as soon as possible. There was general agreement on this one, as it is well established that the earlier a child who stutters starts speech therapy, the greater the chances that he'll stop stuttering. One person mentioned a speech pathologist at Temple University in Philadelphia, Woody Starkweather, who claimed close to a 100% success rate for stuttering children brought to him at a young enough age. I personally think it's crucial to get a stuttering child into speech therapy before he becomes aware of his own stuttering - usually about 7 or 8. One member said he didn't really become aware of his stuttering until age 12, but I think this is an exception. We agreed to continue these two topics at the next "4th Thursday" meeting.

That's it folks. The attendance again wasn't great, but the quality of the meeting made up for it.

The next meeting, led by Matt & Mihaela, is Thursday, July 10 at 5:45 PM at Kaiser. Remember the mantra: 2nd & 4th Thursdays - 5:45 - Kaiser. That's as easy to remember as OOOOMMMMMM. Come to the meetings!

Have a good 4th of July. Remember: light the fuse to the firecracker, not your finger.

June 12 Meeting Update: Challenging Assumptions

Five people attended our meeting. After reading the Welcoming Words and introducing ourselves, we had a free-flowing discussion that kept returning to the idea of challenging assumptions about stuttering. It's our most important responsibility as people who stutter, and also the most difficult one, because many of us have internalized these assumptions without really examining them to determine if they're right or wrong.

One person in our group was told by his boss that his stutter was going to be a problem in an upcoming oral examination. Our group member gave the perfect reply: Why? He studied hard, he knows the material, and taking longer to give the right answers doesn't change the fact that they're the right answers. Stuttering doesn't cancel out competence. Self-confidence doesn't just depend on how fluent we are when we speak. Many people don't believe this. But it's up to us to show them that it's true.

Another person in our group had to give a last-minute presentation at work. It didn't go as well as he would've liked, in part because he didn't have a lot of time to prepare. He received positive feedback about the presentation, as well as advice to practice more. But he questioned whether he deserved to be paid for his work since he couldn't give presentations as well as fluent speakers.

But why do we assume that fluent speakers are by default good presenters? I've heard many who aren't. And why do we assume that our stutter cancels out all the other work we do at work? Why not focus on the fact that we are dedicated, finish projects on time, stay late to do extra work?  Many people think that if you sound "weird" when you speak, you must be "weird." It's up to us to show them that they're wrong.

Of course we can continue to work towards fluency, but without making it the be-all and end-all of our lives. One member shared that he's able to maintain fluency when he tries to speak like he writes: using phrasing and punctuating his speech with pauses like commas and periods. Another member said that what feels to him like speaking too slowly sounds "just right" to his listeners. We have to remember that our internal clock as stutterers doesn't keep time properly. We have to retrain our sense of timing in order to stutter more easily and experience fluency.

Sounds like a lot of work! And it is. Often it can be frustrating. But it can also be amazing to change someone's mind, as well as our own, for the better, and to realize how much potential we have as human beings to get better and make the world a better place.

May 22 Meeting Update

There were four members present at the May 22 meeting. To be honest, this low turnout was disappointing. It's almost Newton's 4th Law that NSA meeting attendance drops off greatly in the summer, but it's only May folks! Nevertheless, what the meeting lacked in quantity was made up for in quality. Those of you who weren't there (and we know who you are) missed a very good meeting.

We started with introductions along with the question "Which live musical concert that you've seen in your life stands out in your mind?" (If someone had never seen a live musical concert, the question was: "Who is your favorite musical group or solo artist?") Responses included an Arcade Fire concert, the 2013 Electric Daisy Carnival in Las Vegas, & a King Crimson concert in Philadelphia in 1982. (There's one really old guy in the group.)

Next a discussion was held on the topic: "Should it be against the law for an employer to not hire someone because the person stutters?" (It was understood that there may already be laws against this, based on stuttering being classified as a handicap by the government. The topic was more designed to explore the idea of: do stutterers want or need special protection). The general opinion seemed to be that private employers can hire or not hire someone for any reason, including stuttering. If an employer thinks that a person's stuttering would prevent him from doing the job, it's a valid reason for not hiring him.  One member said that it depended on the job. The same member said he would be hurt for not being hired because of his stuttering. The others agreed on this. Another comment was that it should be illegal to fire someone because of stuttering after being hired. We also talked about how it could be uncomfortable for a stutterer who was hired because it was illegal to not hire him, if his co-workers knew this. His co-workers could reasonably assume he was hired because he stuttered & not in spite of his stuttering, especially if he didn't perform as well as co-workers. This led to the idea that stutterers usually have to work harder to convince people of their abilities on or off the job.

It was hoped that the topic would lead to the concept of handicaps & is stuttering a handicap (& not necessarily the government definition of handicap). One member brought up the interesting point that he can say that stuttering is a handicap, but people who don't stutter cannot or should not. Also, the topic might have led to the question of are stutterers owed anything from others because of their stuttering - i.e. should we expect or deserve special consideration because of our stuttering. One other segue would be: How do stutterers want to be seen by people who don't stutter? All of these could topics for another night.

We concluded with Table Topics where everyone participated. Topics included: "The Most Unforgettable Person You've Known", "Your Ideal Career/Goals", "A Project You've Spent Time On" & "Heavy Equipment" - you guessed it, one member has operated heavy equipment & wants to do it more in the future.

The next meeting is Thursday, June 12 led by Matt & Mihaela.

Those who missed the last meeting (& your numbers are legion) can redeem themselves by coming to the next meeting.

Remember the mantra: 2nd & 4th Thursdays - 5:45PM - Kaiser.

May 8 Meeting Update: The Big Picture

All of us have experienced the peaks and valleys of stuttering: periods of amazing, inexplicable fluency followed by periods of frustrating, inexplicable blocks. The question we focused on at our last meeting was: what keeps you positive during the difficult periods? Here are some of the answers:

• using YouTube videos to practice pronunciation and reading aloud
• taking acting classes
• doing breathing and relaxation exercises
• focusing on long-term goals rather than getting stuck on the setback of the moment
• knowing that after hitting rock bottom, there's only one way to go: up!

It was especially inspiring to hear what a big difference it makes to keep your eye on the big picture,  to emphasize the chances you take with your speech rather than how fluent you are. One member has enrolled in Toastmasters; another has given half-hour and hour-long presentations and is considering a teaching position; another has been proactive in seeking out internships. They're putting themselves out there and not running away from opportunities because they think they'll stutter. And when they do stutter, they focus on moving forward and getting better.

Getting better doesn't just mean being fluent. We talked once again about how what really makes a difference is not to be afraid of stuttering any more. The weight we've felt on our shoulders for many years isn't the stuttering; it's the fear of stuttering. Coping with this fear and not letting it stand in the way is what really changes lives.

Another topic we covered was travel, and how jet lag and lack of sleep affect speech. Not positively, as you might have guessed! We heard some funny-scary stories about experiences at airports. We also talked about how there are things about us that we can't change. We're all wired a certain way and our biology is something we have to accept.

Finally, here's a great quote from Louisa May Alcott: "I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship."

April 24 Meeting Update - Orange County South NSA Group

This update is not as detailed as I would like. I was planning on writing it on Saturday, 4/26 while the meeting was still fresh in my mind. However, I had to make an unexpected visit to the emergency room at Saddleback Hospital with severe abdominal pains, which resulted in an overnight stay, a CAT scan, x-rays, a sleepless night, & no eating for 2 days. Mostly better now. (Should've never put those sardines and mayonnaise on my ice cream).

There were 7 persons present including a new member - welcome, Roberto! A student from Cal State Fullerton was also present. The student did not take part in the meeting, sat apart from the others as an observer & note taker, & asked questions of the members toward the end of the meeting. One of these questions has been asked before but is still a really good one: "Have you had any bad experiences with speech therapists?"

We started with introductions along with the question: "What would you do if you won $100,000,000 in the lottery?" An interesting range of responses included: Become a venture capitalist, travel, give some to my friends, give some to charity, buy a nice house, build the ultimate dirt bike, invest in the  financial markets, go back to school, pay off debts, & take a long vacation. One member said he'd go back to studying Chinese. Another said he'd find the world's best speech therapist.

A topic for discussion was then put before the group: "How would your life be different if you woke up one morning & didn't stutter anymore?" One member said his life would not be that different except he would give better presentations. Many answers were about the general themes of being more outgoing, speaking up more, being more extroverted, talking to more people, etc. This writer said he'd be a contestant on Jeopardy.

With the time that was left, we did a few table topics. Subjects included "Fridays", "Do you believe in aliens?" "Do people have free will?" & the most novel one: "Jeopardy or Wheel?" (General consensus favored Jeopardy.) You never know what will come up in table topics.

While people who stutter have many things in common, after each meeting & after having been in the NSP/NSA (the NSA used to be the National Stuttering Project) for a long time, it always amazes & heartens me that each of us is an individual with their own ideas & imagination. The wacky & original responses to the introductory, discussion & table topic questions always reinforce this idea for me.

The next meeting is on Thursday, May 8, 5:45 PM, at Kaiser in Irvine led by Mihaela & Matt (assuming Matt is back from chasing a little white ball all over Scotland).

April 10 Meeting Update

Ten people attended, nine PWS and one speech pathology student from Cal State Fullerton. A member brought his mom, who also stutters. This sparked a discussion about the genetic component of stuttering. We discussed how difficult it is to really know if others in your family stutter because there's often denial about it and reluctance to talk even when it's not hidden.

We also talked about the unpredictability of stuttering. It's the most difficult aspect of it to live with on a day to day basis. Even within the same day, you can have hours of fluency, and then a block can come out of nowhere like a slap in the face. There's no magic solution for this, just taking every day or hour or minute at a time and doing the best you can. Stuttering is extremely complex. One member gave a very insightful definition of it: a condition where neuroscience and psychology intersect in a very interesting way.

Even so, people from our group are handling it beautifully. One member, after an intense interview process, received two job offers, one of them in computer programming within the field of medicine. Another made a successful start in his new job. He was nervous but, in retrospect, he realized that he made the situation more difficult in his head than it turned out to be. How many of us can identify with that!

Many of us are making changes in our lives. We are saying yes to things that scare us. That's all that matters: not to get rid of fear, but to do what we want to do anyway.

March 27 Meeting Update

There were 10 persons present at the March 27, 2014 meeting including a new member - welcome Thabith. This was the 1st of the 2nd meetings of the month to be held at the new time, day & place. It was very gratifying for there to be such a good turnout. Thanks to those who attended. 

Along with introductions, we opened the meeting with the question: Which person(s) in history do you most admire & why? Some interesting & unusual choices were given including: the framers of the Constitution & Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin. (No, Jimmy Page didn't help draft the Constitution, he's British.) A rousing chorus of "Stairway to Heaven" ensued - just kidding; I wanted to see if you were paying attention. 

Next (seriously), a group discussion was started based on the following premise: You come across an old fashioned oil lamp covered with dust. Thinking it might be a valuable antique, you start wiping off the dust & lo & behold - you guessed it - a magic genie appears! This is a different kind of genie, however, than the usual garden variety genie. This genie only appears to persons who stutter. Also, instead of the usual 3 wishes he only grants 1 wish (he's a cheap genie), and with these added caveats: the wish has to be directly connected to your stuttering (e.g. you can't wish you win the lottery & stutter when you claim the money, etc.), and you're not allowed to wish that you don't stutter anymore. What would you wish?A lot of interesting wishes were put forth, many around the themes of: saying whatever you wanted to say whether you stuttered or not; not worrying so much about what others think of you when you stutter; & not being so preoccupied with your stuttering all the time. Three of the more novel wishes were: "I wish my stuttering made me irresistible to the opposite sex";

 "I wish everyone else in the world stuttered"; & "I wish I held the patent to a magic pill that cured stuttering, started a drug company that produced it & got rich". A very thoughtful wish was: "I wish I could make it easier for children & teens who stutter so they wouldn't have to go through what I did." 

A side discussion also took place about the efficacy of drugs designed to help ease stuttering. Two of the members that had direct experience with some of these drugs that have been prescribed by a researcher at UC Irvine talked about their experiences. 

There was a little bit of time left over, so one person did a Table Topics presentation on "Favorite Kind of Music" What was learned from this was that nobody but the speaker had ever heard of Bill Haley & the Comets. (How is this possible?) The group redeemed itself somewhat by some members admitting they had heard of Jerry Lee Lewis. Maybe there's still hope.

The next meeting will be on Thursday, April 10, at 5:45 PM at Kaiser Permanente, 6 Willard, Irvine, 92604. Room 105 (near reception desk).

March 13 Meeting Update: 100 Times

We began our meeting by reading the Welcoming Words together. To introduce ourselves, we used a "structured communication" format: the beginning of a sentence was given, and each person completed it with a personal statement. For example:

The worst thing about stuttering is....

            ...that I can't say what I really want to say.
            ...that other will mimic the way I speak.
            ...being scared to stutter.
            ...hiding it.

What I want people to know about me is...

...that I'm normal.
...that I'm no different than anybody else.
...that I'm more than my stutter.
...that I'm a hard worker.

Afterwards we had a free-flowing discussion where members shared what was new in their lives. A few are either going through the interview process for a new job, or have just completed it. One member was recently hired in a field he's really passionate about. His story was very inspiring. He talked about his experience with the interviews, how nervous he was at the beginning. He blocked and stuttered often. But by the third round of interviews he decided to look at the experience as just a way to practice speaking and to build up his confidence, and forget about whether he would be hired or not. This is what enabled him, in his words, to "lean back" and take his time when he spoke.

Another member talked about a job he had answering the phone at a big retail store. He barely made it to through the first few calls. But the more he did it, the easier it got. By the hundredth phone call, he said, he wasn't afraid any more. It sounds crazy: to do something that scares you 100 times. In Outliers, a book about what it takes to be successful, Malcolm Gladwell writes that people at the top of their field have spent 10,000 hours practicing their craft. There's nothing like practice, getting your feet wet, just doing it--over and over and over again.

Our discussion was in full swing when the time to end the meeting came. It was a little disappointing that we had to stop; but that makes it all the more exciting to get to the next meeting!

Wednesday, February 26, 2014 Meeting Update

Four people were present at this meeting, including a new member. The first part of the meeting was a free wheeling discussion on various stuttering avoidance "tricks" most stutterers use. One member talked about how terrified he is to let anyone hear him stutter. Two of the members have been in speech therapy with the same SLP. They discussed the techniques this particular SLP uses & how it has helped them, or not. One of these members also talked about an upcoming job interview.

The second half of the meeting was given over to Table Topics. Topics were: "Job Interviews", "Favorite Movie", "Illegally Downloading Movies & Music" & "Will There Always Be Wars?". This writer drew the Illegally Downloading topic & didn't have a clue how to talk about it. The others informed me this practice is very widespread & easy to do. Another member preferred not to talk about the topic he drew & talked instead about his current college science project.

The next meeting is Thursday, 3/13/14 at 5:45PM at the Kaiser Medical Center, 6 Willard in Irvine, 92604.

The next Wednesday meeting is 3/26/14 at the Katie Wheeler Library,13109 Old Myford Rd, Irvine, 92602 in the downstairs meeting room, at 6:30 PM.

All of you should attend both meetings!

Article: Stuttering at Work

This article from The Wall Street Journal discusses the effect stuttering had on a man's career and how he overcame the obstacles stuttering put in his way. It reminded me that other people often don't understand how difficult and painful it is to be a stutterer, and it's up to us to make our own path in the world in spite of them. Not easy, but possible.

January Meeting Update: Renew

During introductions, a lot of people talked about renewing their commitment to their speech and to becoming better communicators. Some are going back to speech therapy, others are tackling issues related to anxiety and stress. Then the discussion shifted to how difficult it is to "stay on the wagon" and keep practicing day after day, year after year.

One member mentioned that he has challenged himself by becoming more involved at church and volunteering to do more public speaking there. He wasn't concerned so much with becoming fluent, but rather with getting out there and connecting with others. Other members echoed this: their goal in seeking speech therapy and in dealing with anxiety isn't to stop stuttering but to stop worrying constantly about their stutter.

A technique that often works to reduce worry is not hiding your stutter. A new member confirmed it. Before a presentation, he told his audience that he stuttered, and it had a positive effect both on him and on them. Another member talked about giving a presentation in front of over one hundred people. He thought only 20 would show up! But he was well-prepared and rose to the occasion--something to be very proud of.

Not running away from difficult speaking situations is what my personal goal has been for the last few years. I don't stay silent any more because I'm afraid I'll stutter. And if there's no other way to say what I want to say, I stutter. This is the commitment I want to renew in this New Year: to make my voice heard, no matter what.