July 24 Meeting Update

Seven members were present  - excellent attendance for a mid-summer meeting. Come to think of it, seven attendees isn't bad for the rest of the year either. Thanks to those who attended. Sadly, we are losing one member who is moving to Denver to attend pharmacy graduate school at the University of Colorado. Good luck to Tabith! Keep in touch. However, we have also gained a new member - welcome Mike! 

This meeting was unusual due to events beyond our control. On the way to the meeting, this writer & others ran into traffic: fire engines & police cars racing to a fire somewhere (I only saw smoke), compounded by traffic lights being out in several places, which caused a massive traffic jam.  I was 15 minutes late. Then, the power had partially gone out in the building where we meet, so we met outside sitting on concrete & bricks. This wasn't so bad, as it had cooled down by then, but with about 10 minutes left in an already abbreviated meeting, a security guard told us we had to vacate the premises - something about they wanted everybody off the entire property. 

In spite of all this, we had a good meeting. We opened with introductions along with the question: What is one of your favorite books or movies? Answers included "Catcher in the Rye," "America: Imagine a World Without Her," "Lone Survivor," "Self-Therapy for the Stutterer," "Ulysses" &  "Rain Man." The self-therapy book, by the way, is published by the "Stuttering Foundation" in Memphis, Tennessee -  www.stutteringhelp.org. I have a copy I bought almost 20 years ago.

We then picked up where we left off last time, the topics for discussion being: "What advice would you give to parents of children who stutter?" & "Do you wish your parents had done anything different with respect to your stuttering?" One member said parents should try to get their stuttering child in contact with other kids who stutter, showing the child he's not alone in his stuttering. There was general agreement that the isolation that many stutterers feel as children only adds to the problem. The kids could serve as each other's advocates. Another member talked about the importance of the parents getting the child into speech therapy with a therapist who specializes in stuttering. An excellent point, as kids who stutter are sometimes lumped together with kids who have other types of speech impediments. All agreed that good rapport between the child & therapist is essential. Some members brought up the fact that in public school settings, children are often "yanked" out of a class for speech therapy. This can stigmatize the child in the eyes of classmates, who are wondering where he's been mysteriously taken. It would be an improvement if the parents worked with the school to avoid this.  The importance of parents not reacting in a negative manner to their kid's stuttering was discussed. It's sad that some parents have to be told this. A related point was made by one member who brought up the quote by Wendell Johnson: "Stuttering begins not in the mouth of the child, but in the ear of the parent." To me this means that some parents, even before the child himself becomes aware of his stuttering, start to behave in such a way that the child senses their displeasure - not a good scenario.  A couple of members said stuttering was never brought up in their households when they were kids. This might be almost as bad as negative reactions, as the child could feel isolated in his own home. One member said stuttering was never brought up when he was a child even though his own mother stuttered - an interesting and probably not common happening. Another member said the only hint his parents gave about his stuttering was his mother telling him sometimes to "slow down." 

One newer member talked about how he used to hate other stutterers & avoided stuttering support  groups so as to not be around them. He eventually realized this was because he hated himself because of his stuttering. He's since been in an intensive stuttering therapy program where he was around other stutterers almost constantly every day for three weeks. Quite a turn around. He learned to no longer hate himself or others who stutter & to think more positively about his stuttering. A member talked about how, in stuttering,  "control is everything."  He said if you can control your stuttering, you "own it." This is an interesting idea with a lot of truth in it.  

That's all for now, folks. Not bad for a 50 minute meeting, huh? Now let's pause for a moment in memory of Thomas Erdelyi, better known as Tommy Ramone, the original drummer for The Ramones, who recently went up to that big recording studio in the sky. (If you don't know who the Ramones were, stuttering isn't your only problem.)

Next meeting is on Thursday, August 14 led by Matt & Mihaela. Remember the mantra: 2nd & 4th Thursdays - Kaiser - 5:45.

July 10 Meeting Update: Be Present

During introductions, one group member shared an incident at the grocery store: he stuttered while asking where a product was, and the person he was speaking to laughed. This is a fear many of us have. It's not just fear of the laughter, but fear of not knowing how to respond to the laughter and how to deal with the feelings of shame it can cause.

Here's the simple but difficult answer: tell the other person about your stutter. It may feel weird to have this conversation during a casual encounter. After all, is it really worth it to talk about your stutter with the dry cleaning clerk or the person taking your order at Subway? It takes time, and everybody's always in a hurry.

It matters, though, because of the amazing effect that being open about stuttering has on our lives. One member shared how during a game with his friends he told everyone, at the start, that he stutters. Because he stopped worrying about his stutter, he really enjoyed the game! Many of us have been in social situations where we're so worried about stuttering that we miss everything else going on around us. We don't remember the names of people we've met; we don't really hear what they have to say. We're absent from our own lives!

Another question that came up was what to do when you get pulled over by the police, since a stutter is often seen as a sign of drunkenness. A great suggestion by a group member was to get a note from your doctor that you stutter, which you can hand to the police officer. It may seem like the easy way out. But in spite of our best intentions, sometimes nervousness takes over and we can't control our stutter very well. It's good to help ourselves in any way we can.

Towards the end of the meeting we talked about the World Cup and had some lively exchanges. Enjoy the final game on Sunday! And remember to be present for your own life. Don't let stuttering stand between you and all the many wonderful things out there to be learned and experienced.