October 14 Meeting Update: The Phone--A Potential Time Bomb

One member described it as a bomb, and if you think about it as a person who stutters, it can be. It sits there, ready and able to go off anytime. The unknown timing of the ring, the thought of... If this does ring, I'll have to answer it. Even worse is the question of how I will communicate once I'm on the phone. Will I block? Will I make sense? What will other people think when I'm on the phone?

As simple as a phone may be for communication everyday, it can shape the direction of a stutterer in avoidance. This avoidance can only be dealt with for so long before we can move forward and recognize that this issue needs to be addressed. Some successful ways have been to seize the moment and just answer the phone; taping yourself; calling friends; and calling small businesses. Little by little we'll get a handle on the fear and defuse this phone bomb.

Reading out loud is always an important part of our meetings too. This meeting we read Katherine Preston's blog piece, "Stuttering and the Power of Powerless Communication." She writes about embracing powerless communication and how it specifically relates to stutterers and how everyone can harness its power to generate trust and respect. In his book Give and Take Adam Grant states that when it comes to collaboration, "we are more inclined to hire, promote and value people who communicate powerlessly. This includes: talking tentatively, asking people questions, giving them the joy of talking, asking for advice and being open to our vulnerabilities and weaknesses, not just our strengths."

In her post, Preston writes:

"When writing Out With It I discovered how often people are drawn to stutterers, how likeable they seem to be. At first I balked against the discovery, worrying that the attraction was perhaps born of pity. However, the more people I spoke to, the more I realized it was the opposite – they were drawn to the stutterer’s courage and lack of artifice. In a world full of noise and nonsense, stutterers were seen as somehow trustworthy and genuine. Because their speech had nothing to do with their competence, it did not demean them in their audiences’ eyes. Rather it raised them up.

The idea that something that we often perceive as a weakness can actually be an important asset was a personal breakthrough. Grant proves that the idea is applicable to anyone wishing to improve their communication.

Everyone has a weakness, whether it be their weight, their height, their looks, their clumsiness etc. Often our weaknesses have nothing to do with our competence, but we try to hide them to appear in control or knowledgeable or attractive. In actuality, when we speak in a way that reveals our shortcomings and expresses vulnerability, people can relate to us as a human beings. They are attracted to us."

Our group meeting liked this post and insight very much. It seems like instead of hiding our stutter, we can be upfront with it on job interviews, and when meeting new clients or customers. People remember us more, it separates us from the the masses and makes us more human... potentially opening more door ways.

by Matt

Asking for Help

I wanted to share with you this great story from a meeting of the Chicago chapter. It's a perfect example of how we can create a community of support even with people we don't know and who we imagine don't care.

A young man works in a new job as a recruiter and is a very dynamic, "type A" go-getter. He is on the phone for 8 full hours a day. His bosses recently gave him feedback that "You're doing great, but you need to talk smoother on the phone." Essentially, "You need to not stutter." 

How do you respond to this? 

Steve, who is an experienced, high-powered sales executive, said he had a similar experience to this when he first started working and he was required to cold call all day. It was not going well and he stuttered a lot. He said his boss took him aside and said, "Okay, I know you stutter. When you call, you need to do this. You need to ask people for help."  

At this point in Steve's story, we all said, "...What?" He continued. "I couldn't believe what he was telling me. He said, "When you call people, you should say, 'My name is Steve. Can you help me?' And then stop talking until they respond. When they say 'Yes', say, 'I stutter. I want to talk to you and I just want you to know that it's not because I'm reading off a card or because I'm nervous. I just stutter is all.' And then continue with the pitch." 

"I was so mad after that conversation, I thought it was nuts. But I did what he told me. I hadn't made a single sale to that date. And what made me even madder was the first call I made using that strategy, I made my first sale."  

He now does this all the time and said it works incredibly well. As our meeting progressed, a theme that came out was "everybody struggles with something." Steve's strategy is so powerful because it reminds us that we have commonality as humans with struggles, whether it's stuttering or something else. It's advertising, but advertising in a particularly vulnerable, connective way.

September 25 Meeting Update

Five members were present including a new member. Since this was a public speaking meeting, one of the members brought a copy of Hemingway's "A Farewell to Arms" from which to read. The new member then suggested that the rest of us continue reading from that book for their turn at speaking in front of the group.  This was done except for one member who read from a book on martial arts written by someone with whom he's familiar.

The new member remarked that it's always easier to talk or read aloud in an NSA meeting than it is in the outside world. He also talked about his problem transferring fluency techniques from speech therapy to the outside world.

The martial arts book contained a surprising fact for at least one member. This member thought martial arts students & practitioners tried to avoid physical confrontations. The book, however, talked about some younger students purposely trying to start fights with  gang members to try out their skills!

Another member talked about the great differences in weather in places where he's lived including New York city, northern CA & here.

We talked about the meetings that will be held on the last Wednesday of each month starting in October. A schedule for the next 6 months of Wednesday meetings was passed out. These meetings will continue to emphasize public speaking with some variation.