May 22 Meeting Update

There were four members present at the May 22 meeting. To be honest, this low turnout was disappointing. It's almost Newton's 4th Law that NSA meeting attendance drops off greatly in the summer, but it's only May folks! Nevertheless, what the meeting lacked in quantity was made up for in quality. Those of you who weren't there (and we know who you are) missed a very good meeting.

We started with introductions along with the question "Which live musical concert that you've seen in your life stands out in your mind?" (If someone had never seen a live musical concert, the question was: "Who is your favorite musical group or solo artist?") Responses included an Arcade Fire concert, the 2013 Electric Daisy Carnival in Las Vegas, & a King Crimson concert in Philadelphia in 1982. (There's one really old guy in the group.)

Next a discussion was held on the topic: "Should it be against the law for an employer to not hire someone because the person stutters?" (It was understood that there may already be laws against this, based on stuttering being classified as a handicap by the government. The topic was more designed to explore the idea of: do stutterers want or need special protection). The general opinion seemed to be that private employers can hire or not hire someone for any reason, including stuttering. If an employer thinks that a person's stuttering would prevent him from doing the job, it's a valid reason for not hiring him.  One member said that it depended on the job. The same member said he would be hurt for not being hired because of his stuttering. The others agreed on this. Another comment was that it should be illegal to fire someone because of stuttering after being hired. We also talked about how it could be uncomfortable for a stutterer who was hired because it was illegal to not hire him, if his co-workers knew this. His co-workers could reasonably assume he was hired because he stuttered & not in spite of his stuttering, especially if he didn't perform as well as co-workers. This led to the idea that stutterers usually have to work harder to convince people of their abilities on or off the job.

It was hoped that the topic would lead to the concept of handicaps & is stuttering a handicap (& not necessarily the government definition of handicap). One member brought up the interesting point that he can say that stuttering is a handicap, but people who don't stutter cannot or should not. Also, the topic might have led to the question of are stutterers owed anything from others because of their stuttering - i.e. should we expect or deserve special consideration because of our stuttering. One other segue would be: How do stutterers want to be seen by people who don't stutter? All of these could topics for another night.

We concluded with Table Topics where everyone participated. Topics included: "The Most Unforgettable Person You've Known", "Your Ideal Career/Goals", "A Project You've Spent Time On" & "Heavy Equipment" - you guessed it, one member has operated heavy equipment & wants to do it more in the future.

The next meeting is Thursday, June 12 led by Matt & Mihaela.

Those who missed the last meeting (& your numbers are legion) can redeem themselves by coming to the next meeting.

Remember the mantra: 2nd & 4th Thursdays - 5:45PM - Kaiser.

May 8 Meeting Update: The Big Picture

All of us have experienced the peaks and valleys of stuttering: periods of amazing, inexplicable fluency followed by periods of frustrating, inexplicable blocks. The question we focused on at our last meeting was: what keeps you positive during the difficult periods? Here are some of the answers:

• using YouTube videos to practice pronunciation and reading aloud
• taking acting classes
• doing breathing and relaxation exercises
• focusing on long-term goals rather than getting stuck on the setback of the moment
• knowing that after hitting rock bottom, there's only one way to go: up!

It was especially inspiring to hear what a big difference it makes to keep your eye on the big picture,  to emphasize the chances you take with your speech rather than how fluent you are. One member has enrolled in Toastmasters; another has given half-hour and hour-long presentations and is considering a teaching position; another has been proactive in seeking out internships. They're putting themselves out there and not running away from opportunities because they think they'll stutter. And when they do stutter, they focus on moving forward and getting better.

Getting better doesn't just mean being fluent. We talked once again about how what really makes a difference is not to be afraid of stuttering any more. The weight we've felt on our shoulders for many years isn't the stuttering; it's the fear of stuttering. Coping with this fear and not letting it stand in the way is what really changes lives.

Another topic we covered was travel, and how jet lag and lack of sleep affect speech. Not positively, as you might have guessed! We heard some funny-scary stories about experiences at airports. We also talked about how there are things about us that we can't change. We're all wired a certain way and our biology is something we have to accept.

Finally, here's a great quote from Louisa May Alcott: "I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship."

April 24 Meeting Update - Orange County South NSA Group

This update is not as detailed as I would like. I was planning on writing it on Saturday, 4/26 while the meeting was still fresh in my mind. However, I had to make an unexpected visit to the emergency room at Saddleback Hospital with severe abdominal pains, which resulted in an overnight stay, a CAT scan, x-rays, a sleepless night, & no eating for 2 days. Mostly better now. (Should've never put those sardines and mayonnaise on my ice cream).

There were 7 persons present including a new member - welcome, Roberto! A student from Cal State Fullerton was also present. The student did not take part in the meeting, sat apart from the others as an observer & note taker, & asked questions of the members toward the end of the meeting. One of these questions has been asked before but is still a really good one: "Have you had any bad experiences with speech therapists?"

We started with introductions along with the question: "What would you do if you won $100,000,000 in the lottery?" An interesting range of responses included: Become a venture capitalist, travel, give some to my friends, give some to charity, buy a nice house, build the ultimate dirt bike, invest in the  financial markets, go back to school, pay off debts, & take a long vacation. One member said he'd go back to studying Chinese. Another said he'd find the world's best speech therapist.

A topic for discussion was then put before the group: "How would your life be different if you woke up one morning & didn't stutter anymore?" One member said his life would not be that different except he would give better presentations. Many answers were about the general themes of being more outgoing, speaking up more, being more extroverted, talking to more people, etc. This writer said he'd be a contestant on Jeopardy.

With the time that was left, we did a few table topics. Subjects included "Fridays", "Do you believe in aliens?" "Do people have free will?" & the most novel one: "Jeopardy or Wheel?" (General consensus favored Jeopardy.) You never know what will come up in table topics.

While people who stutter have many things in common, after each meeting & after having been in the NSP/NSA (the NSA used to be the National Stuttering Project) for a long time, it always amazes & heartens me that each of us is an individual with their own ideas & imagination. The wacky & original responses to the introductory, discussion & table topic questions always reinforce this idea for me.

The next meeting is on Thursday, May 8, 5:45 PM, at Kaiser in Irvine led by Mihaela & Matt (assuming Matt is back from chasing a little white ball all over Scotland).

April 10 Meeting Update

Ten people attended, nine PWS and one speech pathology student from Cal State Fullerton. A member brought his mom, who also stutters. This sparked a discussion about the genetic component of stuttering. We discussed how difficult it is to really know if others in your family stutter because there's often denial about it and reluctance to talk even when it's not hidden.

We also talked about the unpredictability of stuttering. It's the most difficult aspect of it to live with on a day to day basis. Even within the same day, you can have hours of fluency, and then a block can come out of nowhere like a slap in the face. There's no magic solution for this, just taking every day or hour or minute at a time and doing the best you can. Stuttering is extremely complex. One member gave a very insightful definition of it: a condition where neuroscience and psychology intersect in a very interesting way.

Even so, people from our group are handling it beautifully. One member, after an intense interview process, received two job offers, one of them in computer programming within the field of medicine. Another made a successful start in his new job. He was nervous but, in retrospect, he realized that he made the situation more difficult in his head than it turned out to be. How many of us can identify with that!

Many of us are making changes in our lives. We are saying yes to things that scare us. That's all that matters: not to get rid of fear, but to do what we want to do anyway.

March 27 Meeting Update

There were 10 persons present at the March 27, 2014 meeting including a new member - welcome Thabith. This was the 1st of the 2nd meetings of the month to be held at the new time, day & place. It was very gratifying for there to be such a good turnout. Thanks to those who attended. 

Along with introductions, we opened the meeting with the question: Which person(s) in history do you most admire & why? Some interesting & unusual choices were given including: the framers of the Constitution & Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin. (No, Jimmy Page didn't help draft the Constitution, he's British.) A rousing chorus of "Stairway to Heaven" ensued - just kidding; I wanted to see if you were paying attention. 

Next (seriously), a group discussion was started based on the following premise: You come across an old fashioned oil lamp covered with dust. Thinking it might be a valuable antique, you start wiping off the dust & lo & behold - you guessed it - a magic genie appears! This is a different kind of genie, however, than the usual garden variety genie. This genie only appears to persons who stutter. Also, instead of the usual 3 wishes he only grants 1 wish (he's a cheap genie), and with these added caveats: the wish has to be directly connected to your stuttering (e.g. you can't wish you win the lottery & stutter when you claim the money, etc.), and you're not allowed to wish that you don't stutter anymore. What would you wish?A lot of interesting wishes were put forth, many around the themes of: saying whatever you wanted to say whether you stuttered or not; not worrying so much about what others think of you when you stutter; & not being so preoccupied with your stuttering all the time. Three of the more novel wishes were: "I wish my stuttering made me irresistible to the opposite sex";

 "I wish everyone else in the world stuttered"; & "I wish I held the patent to a magic pill that cured stuttering, started a drug company that produced it & got rich". A very thoughtful wish was: "I wish I could make it easier for children & teens who stutter so they wouldn't have to go through what I did." 

A side discussion also took place about the efficacy of drugs designed to help ease stuttering. Two of the members that had direct experience with some of these drugs that have been prescribed by a researcher at UC Irvine talked about their experiences. 

There was a little bit of time left over, so one person did a Table Topics presentation on "Favorite Kind of Music" What was learned from this was that nobody but the speaker had ever heard of Bill Haley & the Comets. (How is this possible?) The group redeemed itself somewhat by some members admitting they had heard of Jerry Lee Lewis. Maybe there's still hope.

The next meeting will be on Thursday, April 10, at 5:45 PM at Kaiser Permanente, 6 Willard, Irvine, 92604. Room 105 (near reception desk).

March 13 Meeting Update: 100 Times

We began our meeting by reading the Welcoming Words together. To introduce ourselves, we used a "structured communication" format: the beginning of a sentence was given, and each person completed it with a personal statement. For example:

The worst thing about stuttering is....

            ...that I can't say what I really want to say.
            ...that other will mimic the way I speak.
            ...being scared to stutter.
            ...hiding it.

What I want people to know about me is...

...that I'm normal.
...that I'm no different than anybody else.
...that I'm more than my stutter.
...that I'm a hard worker.

Afterwards we had a free-flowing discussion where members shared what was new in their lives. A few are either going through the interview process for a new job, or have just completed it. One member was recently hired in a field he's really passionate about. His story was very inspiring. He talked about his experience with the interviews, how nervous he was at the beginning. He blocked and stuttered often. But by the third round of interviews he decided to look at the experience as just a way to practice speaking and to build up his confidence, and forget about whether he would be hired or not. This is what enabled him, in his words, to "lean back" and take his time when he spoke.

Another member talked about a job he had answering the phone at a big retail store. He barely made it to through the first few calls. But the more he did it, the easier it got. By the hundredth phone call, he said, he wasn't afraid any more. It sounds crazy: to do something that scares you 100 times. In Outliers, a book about what it takes to be successful, Malcolm Gladwell writes that people at the top of their field have spent 10,000 hours practicing their craft. There's nothing like practice, getting your feet wet, just doing it--over and over and over again.

Our discussion was in full swing when the time to end the meeting came. It was a little disappointing that we had to stop; but that makes it all the more exciting to get to the next meeting!

Wednesday, February 26, 2014 Meeting Update

Four people were present at this meeting, including a new member. The first part of the meeting was a free wheeling discussion on various stuttering avoidance "tricks" most stutterers use. One member talked about how terrified he is to let anyone hear him stutter. Two of the members have been in speech therapy with the same SLP. They discussed the techniques this particular SLP uses & how it has helped them, or not. One of these members also talked about an upcoming job interview.

The second half of the meeting was given over to Table Topics. Topics were: "Job Interviews", "Favorite Movie", "Illegally Downloading Movies & Music" & "Will There Always Be Wars?". This writer drew the Illegally Downloading topic & didn't have a clue how to talk about it. The others informed me this practice is very widespread & easy to do. Another member preferred not to talk about the topic he drew & talked instead about his current college science project.

The next meeting is Thursday, 3/13/14 at 5:45PM at the Kaiser Medical Center, 6 Willard in Irvine, 92604.

The next Wednesday meeting is 3/26/14 at the Katie Wheeler Library,13109 Old Myford Rd, Irvine, 92602 in the downstairs meeting room, at 6:30 PM.

All of you should attend both meetings!